Happy New Year Reader Friend.

The little shed at Christmastime...

One of my "eighty something" friends, Miss Chris, whose story I shared with you about her days as a teenage girl in the Civil Air Patrol in the 1940's. She was my houseguest for a week in December.

I've been missing something since the eleventh day of December, the date of my last post. That was the day I began missing out on sitting down and writing something every day. The holidays and houseguests were full and wonderful, but something was missing. The thing I can liken it to, is my years of living in a northern climate where I could not garden all winter long. I continually felt as though an important part of myself was hibernating somewhere. That's the way the past month has been for me. There's been a yearning, like a little alarm going off in the back of my mind, "come back, sit down !".  There's a music alarm that repeats early each morning with the time I should be sitting down to write. I have become so acutely aware of how important discipline is to any creative process, but now it seems more important as I grow older.

About eight years ago I set up a Blog that was just for my children. I called it "Mom's life lessons learned". That, as most of my writing endeavors have been over my adult life, was never completed. I started, stopped and quit. This TOWANDATUDE Blog adventure that I began last April has been just that, an adventure. It's been a learning experience. I've shared some memories and emotions, and I've come to know some amazing women of all ages, from young adventurous ladies just beginning their journey to eighty plus year old women, who have shared their stories with me. I have been in awe of all of you, and inspired. I have also revisited some lessons I thought I had learned long ago, but as with most lessons in life, we experience them again and again like an onion peel in a new and different way. 

I've gotten to spend time with young women just beginning their life adventure !

I learned a lesson long ago when I was involved in the  creative arts arena in my Pennsylvania and Hawaii life.When people allow you to view their artistic expression, whatever medium that may be, it's a bearing of their soul, a view inside their delicate self. They take a risk of how you will receive them.We must be so careful with our words and how we respond to these expressions. We have the power to build up and to tear down with our words. When I taught classes back in those days, I saw this so clearly that it frightened me of the delicate balance that my words held. I held the power to encourage or dash to smithereens their precious expression. I was overwhelmed with the privilege of viewing what seemed to be a sacred thing.

Fortunately for me, I had some incredible mentors in that season of my life, who taught by their extraordinary examples of leadership. My friend Lynne P. lead me through countless training and my (then) Pastor, Marcia S. gave me an apprenticeship in her Worship & Fine Arts office. Those women delivered me into the waiting arms of Rick & Judy Sorum in Hawaii, who extended so much trust to me with their students. It was in the arms of these individuals that I saw how delicate we humans are with our efforts to express ourselves. I left that life seventeen years ago, when my world took a U turn and I came back to Florida. Now with this blog I set out on a new creative endeavor. I won't lie to you, I've shed some tears a few times, that things haven't gone exactly as I'd hoped. But that's just my expectations presumed upon others, which at this point in the picture of life, I should know better about ! I've always wanted to possess that attitude of "who cares what they think?" but truth be told, none of us really mean that all the way through. I'm getting better though, and here's why...

A little coffee,  and writing my "Morning Pages" It's a new year and I'll start again..

I LOVE THIS. I love this little blog! I love getting up early in the morning and writing my "Morning Pages" and sometimes seeing it come together in a story form for the Blog. I have a love-hate relationship with trying to learn how to navigate this website to send out these posts. I love sharing my pictures and my "Mom's Life Lessons Learned" under this TOWANDATUDE site with you. I love sharing my thoughts about what things feel like at this era of empty nests and hot flashes, it's good to know there are others out there sharing similar emotions. I love the challenge of "Writing Prompts" from writing groups I frequent online. I've missed it over the last month! Some friends from my past have joined with me and supported this adventure. It's been so lovely to have them back in my life, even though they are so far away, and I've made some new friends too, along the way.

Author Steven Pressfield asked readers in his book "THE WAR OF ART", if you knew that when you woke up in the morning you would be the last person on earth, what would be the one thing you would still get up and do, knowing that no one else would see it ? (forgive me for paraphrasing terribly S.P.) I knew instantly that I would still get up and write and garden, I answered without hesitation. That tells me that even if no one else goes with me, I'm still going forward, because this brings life to me. What about you ? What would be that thing you would do even if no one ever witnessed it ? It's a great question to ask ourselves isn't it ?

So, for this NEW YEAR, I will not subject myself to life without some form of artistic expression. I hope to continue to grow and evolve, expanding my ability and knowledge of this craft.  My wish for you is that you will find a path that leads to your creative adventure. I wish too that you would share it with me, so that I can follow your journey. Many, many, blessings reader friend and Happy New Year !    

Happy Happy New Year Reader Friend ! 

My Aunt Ora's Vanity. (prompt from Author Elizabeth Berg about a drawer from your youth)

"If I were teaching a writing class today, I'd stand up tall in my blue polka-dot teacher dress and red lipstick and high heels and French twist and glasses on a chain (not really, that was just my fantasy outfit when I used to want to be a teacher)--anyway, I'd say, "Class? Today I want you to write an essay about the contents of a drawer. Yours, your mother's, a stranger's. Tell me about what you find in there that tells me about the person. And hurry up, because I want to read it."

I saw that post from a favorite Author, Elizabeth Berg on her Facebook page recently. My mind was immediately filled with the story of  "My Aunt Ora's vanity".

There is a vanity in our master bedroom. It's from the 1940's. When I was a child it belonged to my favorite Aunt, Ora Rousseau. I used to go to her house and spend the night when I was in elementary school. I clearly recall standing in front of the mirror, in the little spot there where a chair should have been. In the large, deep, drawers there were treasures of fascination. A large wooden shoe resided in a bottom drawer. It had been found on the beach by my Uncle Kenneth (her husband) when he was a young boy. I always wondered where that shoe had come from. Had a sailor on a ship out in the ocean drowned and his wooden shoe had washed ashore ? It was so worn and smooth, from a time spent in the ocean. It had crude metal studs on the bottom which served as heels. In the left top drawer resided his little tiny leather Testament, with his name written inside & "U.S.S. Tallapoosa". A picture of him in his Navy Uniform tucked in the cover.  

The wooden shoe, Uncle Ken's New Testament and some old photo's of the family home on Boynton Beach Florida.

My favorite thing when I was young, was Aunt Ora's "Pop-Beads". She kept them in a top drawer on the right hand side.  There were various colors. I was allowed to play with these. I'd make necklaces and bracelets in all sizes, alternating colors and adorning myself and Aunt Ora with my creations. 

Aunt Ora and Uncle Ken were my favorite people in the world. They married in their thirties. They never were able to have children and I was their godchild. He was a retired Postal Carrier, she had been a seamstress. Ken raised orchids and Ora loved to knit. She was always dressed to the nines, subtle, yet stunning. She wore red lipstick that had a little dip on her top lip, sort of Lucille Ball style. Her pumps, earrings and broach always coordinated with the dress she had fashioned for herself on her WHITE Co. sewing machine. He always had on a dress shirt and frequently a tie. They were involved in our family's Methodist Church where we were "Charter Members" (as I often heard my Grandmother say). He headed up the search committee for their first Pastor and secured the purchase of the land where our little group met outside for the first few years. Under a pair of huge Ficus trees, the little congregation sang hymns acappella and shared lunch after service. Later, my Uncle would head up the "Methodist Men" and was instrumental in bringing the first YMCA to our hometown. 

I continued to be close to them even in my rebellious teenage years. I would spend the night now and then. When I was about twenty years old, I had one of those moments in life where time seemed to stand still. It has stayed with me all these years. I was helping my Uncle Ken paint his front walkway and steps in "institutional green" as was popular in South Florida at that time. I ended up with paint all over my feet. Uncle Ken came walking toward me with a rag and can of turpentine. He knelt down, took my foot in his hand and began to wash it. I had this feeling in my gut. It's hard to explain. This man exemplified the Christ I had been raised to believe in. He walked out the principals of the Bible stories of my youth daily. I knew this was the closest I would come on this earth to having my feet washed like Christ had washed those of his disciples. That little snapshot remains in my mind's eye. He passed away a year later.

Kenneth Rousseau, 1919. U.S.Navy 

When I was getting married Aunt Ora fashioned my wedding dress and with blue floss, embroidered her name and date inside a facing. When I  began having children she made my girls little rompers and dresses. My Aunt Ora was my little girls favorite too. I had moved away from Florida, but returned home twice a year. We would stay with her so that my girls could spend time with her. They became the pillagers of the old vanity, the lovers of her "Pop beads". When Aunt Ora passed away, I gave a eulogy at her funeral and told the stories of her life. After the service, I was invited by her attorney to come inside the house and take the things that were meaningful to me. The vanity and it's contents, along with a set of antique bent wood dining chairs from my Uncle's family home now belonged to me, to take to my home. The wooden shoe, his little testament, their "Cokesbury Hymnal" and many pictures of my Uncle's family home by the ocean in Boynton Beach, Florida where the old wooden shoe had been found, were all still hiding there in the drawers of the vanity.

When I was in my forties, I met up with an old friend from my childhood. He began talking about my Aunt Ora and Uncle Ken. He told me about a time when he was a child and his Father had suffered a heart attack. His Dad had his own plumbing business, so when he was out of work, things had become destitute for his family. My friend told me how he clearly remembered my Aunt and Uncle bringing groceries to their house every week. He said that if it wouldn't have been for them they would've been without food. These are the things that they did with no one the wiser. It speaks of who they were and how they walked out their Faith. 

Memories of my childhood weekends spent with them, come flooding back to me, when I open the drawers. I hold the shoe and wonder about the original owner from far across the sea who wore it. I imagine my Uncle playing on the beach as a child and discovering it. Now the vanity, it's treasures and I, have come full circle. I came back to south Florida to live and dragged the old vanity and it's contents with me. I am seated at one of the old bent wood dining chairs to write this story. The story of the favorite drawer of my childhood, for your prompt Elizabeth Berg.

Ken and Ora Rousseau as I remember them best in the 1960's.

A Little Birthday Post...

I set my feet on the path to fifty eight this week. Fifty eight. Wow. Those things that you hear older folks saying "but I'm still sixteen inside here" turns out to be true, sort of. I am the person with the long term memory in my circle, I can tell you anything you want to know about times long ago (but don't ask me about last week!)

I carry mental snapshots of cutoff jeans, halter tops and hot sultry days in the Florida sunshine walking to the beach with my girlfriends. I can describe to you the way the white soft powdery shell rock streets of my youth felt like beneath my bare feet. A mental photo book of my babies that comes with the sweet smell of the top of their head, as I nestled them in my arms rocking them to sleep. I still recall the sights and smells of the third world cities I've visited and the faces of the people I saw there. So many were smiling, laughing in the face of such poverty. The lush green, unlike anything I've ever seen, of the terraced hillsides in Thailand as we traveled to stay in a Mung village, where some of the people still wore their colorful native garb. The sound of the wind like I've never heard it before or since, when I stood on a cliff called "South Point" on the big Island of my beloved Hawaii and looked out as far as the eye could see on the Pacific Ocean.

…beauty peeks her head around the corner, bringing with her a whole new chapter, dispelling the shadow of despair.

My life has been full and glorious. I can honestly say that the beauty and miracles far out weigh any negative experiences. There have been "things" for sure, but even in heartache, beauty peeks her head around the darkest corner, bringing with her a whole new chapter, dispelling the shadow of despair.  My heart aches at the memory of those who are gone from me, but then I recall a moment spent with them or the loveliness of their faces in my minds eye and sweetness fills that spot.

I write to you this morning with a heart filled with gratitude at the wonder and miracle of life. I open the door and look outside at the beauty of my garden, with the sun shining on my face, I take my first step out the door and on to the path that leads to fifty eight.   

those same girls I used to walk to the beach with..

My sweet little boy long ago on the beach at Kailua Kona, HI

IT'S TOWANDAGAL AND THE TOWANDATUDE PAGES !

Hello and Happy Friday ! I have taken a challenge this week to be part of a weekly writing prompt. Participants will be given a "prompt" and then asked to write about whatever the topic is and send it back. I am so excited to be part of this creative adventure weekly. THIS WEEK'S PROMPT is to "BLURB" yourself, like the blurb on the back of a book jacket that makes you want to read a novel. I was supposed to talk about my life, but I have been so inspired by all of you that I'm making it a BLURB about us gals with the TUDE ! SO HERE"S MY BLURB as I sent it back to them ! Have a wonderful weekend filled with TOWANDATUDE !

IT'S TOWANDAGAL and the TOWANDATUDE filled adventures of Women Young and Old as they follow the winding path through the maze of womanhood ! See them in action ! Read about their quest for a life filled with making their dreams come true ! THEY LAUGH, THEY CRY, AND THROUGH IT ALL THEY ARE TENACIOUS WOMEN WHO HAVE AWAKENED, POSSESSING STRENGTH AND INDEPENDENCE ! FOLLOW THEM AS THEY MAKE THEIR WAY IN THE WORLD AND EXUBERANTLY PURSUE THEIR DREAMS ! 

*used by permission from the author*

Out of Africa

"You must not think that I feel in spite of it having ended in such defeat, that my 'life has been wasted' here or that I would exchange it with anyone I know"-Isak Dinesen- that quote came up this morning, it reminded me of my favorite movie. I wondered what your favorite movies are ? Take a second and tell me about them ! I'd love to hear from you on the Facebook Page or the Website. Meanwhile, here's mine.....

I Love the movie "OUT OF AFRICA". I have seen it a dozen times, have a good deal of the dialogue memorized, (the high points mostly) I own the soundtrack and if you are not careful you could get conned into watching it with me! It's the true story of a woman's quest to make it on her own in a foreign country, where the Good ole' boys club was the 'end all' word in everything. It was a time far away, but we ladies should never forget, it wasn't that long ago.

The author on her farm in Africa.

"I HAD A FARM IN AFRICA...." I love Karen Blixen's (aka; Isak Dinesen) spirit, coming out to Africa, sight unseen, attempting to grow a coffee crop, when they said it couldn't be done. In the end "There are things which cannot be carried through even with the good will of everybody concerned." She lost her farm, and packed it in, returning to Denmark. But not before she was invited to the boys "club" where women were not allowed, and given a farewell toast by all the old stinkers who had looked down their noses at her previously, as they lifted their glasses to show that she had gained their respect.

 I have always been in love with that period in history. So this movie is an indulgence in that era for me. Meryl Streep was so awesome in her portrayal of Blixen. I loved her clothes, her house, the way it was decorated and of course, I especially loved the way Robert Redford said her name "Kar-in" (no surprise there!) The movie is a period piece, filled with girl power, romance, heart break, beautiful music, breathtaking scenery and some pretty profound poetic moments. The dialogue at those moments in the movie resonates so deeply with me. I love the last lines of the movie.....

Karen Blixen aka;Isak Dinesen photo by Peter Beard 1962

....“If I know a song of Africa, of the giraffe and the African new moon lying on her back, of the plows in the fields and the sweaty faces of the coffee pickers, does Africa know a song of me? Will the air over the plain quiver with a color that I have had on, or the children invent a game in which my name is, or the full moon throw a shadow over the gravel of the drive that was like me, or will the eagles of the Ngong Hills look out for me?” 
― Karen Blixen

Over the years, I have read about her life, and how after she went back to Denmark she became a published author, beloved by many. Because she wrote under the pen name (among many other names) Isak Dinesen, people often thought the author was a man. I have compiled a few of her most famous quotes for you to savor and when you get a chance, I hope that you will read about her, and call me so we can re watch "OUT OF AFRICA"  

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.” 

― Karen Blixen

“We must leave our mark on life while we have it in our power.” 
― Karen Blixen

“It is more than their land that you take away from the people whose native land you take. It is their past as well, their roots and their identity. If you take away the things that they have been used to seeing, and will be expecting to see, you may, in a way, as well take out their eyes.” 
― Karen Blixen

“All sorrows can be borne if you can put them into a story, or tell a story about them” 
― Karen Blixen

IT'S TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY !! Meet Naomi Baxter

When ladies of my age group were young girls we were fans of shows like "THAT GIRL" and later, "MARY TYLER MOORE". They were shows about women who had a dream, of going off to the BIG CITY and landing their "dream job". This TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY post is all about a girl who started off in a small town and over time followed her long awaited dream of moving to the BIG CITY. That's New York City !

Meet Naomi Baxter, a young woman in her early thirties. Naomi was born in a small town in Western Pennsylvania. Her Mom always said "she was born ready to drive! A real TOWANDA-Girl !"

View fullsize

When she was fourteen, Naomi's family packed up everything, rented out their home, and moved to the big island of Hawaii. Her parents were following their dream of working for a world wide mercy missions organization. It was something her parents had always meant to do, but life kept getting in the way. Naomi was right on board with her parents, excited to experience a great adventure, and they did just that! She attended (with her siblings) an international co-op school, along with children from several different countries. Naomi traveled to the Philippines and Thailand with her family. I asked her about her thoughts on that era of her life. "I was never 'sheltered' as a child, I feel like I was 'built' for it". Memories of riding on an elephant, eating ethnic foods and spending time in a "Mung" village in the mountains of Thailand, are just a few of the adventures she has. Her family would eventually move to Florida where she finished High School.

At sixteen, Naomi began an apprenticeship under a chef at a local restaurant. Over the years, being a chef has been a base line of employment that allowed her to try her hand at other creative avenues. A talented artist, she worked for a time in mural and faux painting, part of the team that did the walls, at the famous "SLOAN'S ICE CREAM" in downtown West Palm Beach, Florida. Naomi worked at ANTIQUE RESTORATION, where she learned to do things like refinishing furniture and rebuilding crumbling antique fountains. 

View fullsize

The travel bug still sat on her shoulder, so in 2006 she traveled to Nevada for an amazing adventure to "BURNING MAN". It's an annual counter-culture festival in the Black Rock Desert which hosts as many as 50,000 attendees each year. She fell in love with it, and the creativity surrounding it. She is part of the group "The Sexy Tramp Camp". (their name is derived from having a trampoline at their camp for attendees to jump on) Each Burning Man visit, her group has a theme, and Naomi has made many of their costumes. Her first costumes were based on the video game "KATAMARI- DAMACY"..another year, the theme was "THE RACCOON PARTY PATROL". You guessed it, she was in full raccoon attire! Meanwhile, after returning home from the festival in 2007, she enrolled in THE CHAPMAN SCHOOL FOR SEAMANSHIP. Naomi was the ONLY female in class that semester. She graduated as the Valedictorian. She has what is called a "100 TON MASTER LICENSE". 

In 2009, she traveled back to Burning Man with her gang of friends and did a cross country road trip afterward. When that trip was over, Naomi decided to go for it and follow her dream of living in New York City. On November 9, 2009 she moved to Brooklyn. Once again, falling back on her training, she worked as a personal chef for a time, while painting murals in private homes and working for the OSHKOSH Co. on the side. Naomi got to try her hand at many different things while at OSHKOSH, she says she "...did anything from organizing closets to wallpapering an office with denim!"  She most recently began working at THE WORKROOM NYC, as "Shop Operations Manager". 

Naomi says she loves life in New York., there is so much to do and see. Her band of BURNING MAN friends are a close knit second family to one another in their "home away from home". She is in love with Coney Island, and two winters ago, she joined THE POLAR BEARS CLUB. They meet up at the beach on Coney Island and go for a winter dips in the ocean ! When she isn't swimming in the frosty surf, you'll find her participating in SANTA CON, an event that takes place each year, where hundreds of folks dressed like Santa descend on the city. Or, THE SWEETS PARADE where you might see her dressed as an OOMPA-LOOMPA !

Whatever she does and wherever she goes, BEAUTY, LAUGHTER, FUN AND A WHOLE LOT OF "TOWANDATUDE" ARE SURE TO FOLLOW !

Meet Jennifer Fritts. A Young Woman living a Towandatude filled life !

Meet Jennifer Fritts, soon to be twenty five. She's a Towandatude filled gal!  When she's not working her "day job" at a nuclear power plant, she's taking trapeze lessons or traveling the globe. Have a little read and feel inspired !

Jennifer graduated this past spring from Indian River State College in Florida. She studied in their Advanced Technology Program, majoring in "Radiation Protection". She is now a contractor for nuclear power plants. She will be traveling for the first three years of her new career, all over the US and possibly other countries. Jenn will be working what they call "outages" it's when  they shut down the reactor to do maintenance on the plant. As a radiation protection worker, she measures the radiation levels to make sure it's safe for the workers to be in the area where they will be working. Jenn says she originally was in school for teaching, but changed her career choice because ".. working in the nuclear field, I can work eight months out of the year, then have time off to travel and explore. It always allows me to be a strong female in a predominantly male dominated field".

She loves traveling, exploring, snorkeling, skydiving and paddle boarding. "Anything that I can get my hands on, I'll try at least once! Last year, I got to try the trapeze and that was super fun and different. I am an adrenaline junkie, I like pushing myself to the limits!"

This young woman has been to Mexico, Panama, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, France and Spain. "This past summer, I booked a trip to Switzerland, two weeks before the flight.  A friend was going alone on a trip there, I had been saving to buy a new car, I made the decision to take that money, buy a ticket and go ! It was the most liberating experience! My friend got there the week before me. I flew in, bought a train pass and off we went! Each day, we picked where we wanted to go and just went. We went to Zurich, Lauterbrunnen, Interlaken, Geneva and Zermatt. We went skydiving, watched base jumpers and we even went to a music festival. We had no plans the whole trip and by just 'going with the flow', we found and made the best experiences ever!" Jenn can't wait to go traveling again.

Jennifer loves spending time with her family, when she's not working a seventy two hour work week at the power plant. She especially enjoys hanging out with her six year old niece Hannah.  "When I'm not at a plant, I waitress at The Dune Dog Cafe". She has worked there for the past 3 years, working and putting herself through college. She plans on going back to work there after the current nuclear power plant outage that she's working at "... and maybe after another vacation!"

What an bundle of energy ! You're doing it Jennifer ! Keep living a TOWANDATUDE filled life !  

A little montage of a TOWANDATUDE filled life ! 

TWO FOR TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY !

IT's TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY ! Here's TWO TOWANDATUDE filled Gals to inspire you.

Meet Tiffany Lacasse Johnseon, in the center of some TOWANDATUDE filled Girl Pals. Last weekend she married her childhood sweetheart Lance. Tiffany is a Powerhouse Gal ! During the week she's an elementary school teacher and on the weekends she's a lifeguard at the local beaches. In the summertime Tiffany helps to run local surf camps and junior lifeguard camps. Keep Up The Good Work Tiffany!

View fullsize

View fullsize

HERE'S HANNAH ! Hannah is a TOWANDATUDE filled wife, artist and home school educator to her two children. She and her family recently embarked on a journey in foster parenting. In a recent conversation with Hannah, she shared her passion for life with me. "....there is such a need for people to be available to one another, that's not being co-dependent it's the message of the Gospel. Are we to be an island surrounded by our 'boundaries'? What kind of life is that ?" Thanks for the "food for thought" Hannah !   

The Unspeakable Word

PLEASE, please note : If you are faint of heart, if you don't like reading about real things, that happen to people with real lives, please look away. I am certain there is a blog out there tailor made just for people from your point of reference.  You will feel more comfortable there & will not have to concern yourself with critiquing my unpleasant real life stories in your social media feed. God Bless you.

I have not been writing much lately. I have been spending a lot of time on the phone, listening. A tidal wave has come to visit our world. The "D" word, the unspeakable word, is coming to claim more victims. A riptide has engulfed us. Much conversation, tears, anger, (oh the anger !) disappointment and suffering have recently invaded our family and extended family.

Over the years I have noticed that life is an ONION PEEL. If we allow it to be. Layers are torn away as tragedy strikes and we are softened. What we once thought was an ABSOLUTE in our belief system, becomes a SOMETIMES and we can relate better to our fellow man. Because we learn that life is not certain, there are NO guarantees and stuff just happens.

 THE "D" WORD. In my childhood this word was never spoken. What had happened to my parents and our little family was never spoken of. There was a pact made between my Mother and the southern ladies in our family (and let me tell you, there was a big bunch of 'em)  that it would NOT be talked about and it most certainly was NOT. (This would lead me to much therapy over my adult life) But honestly, who knew what to do at that time ? In those days, "D" just didn't happen with the frequency that it does now. (The odds are about 80% now that your marriage will fail). I was an oddity at seven years old. No one knew what to do with us, my baby brother and me. I was the kid with a mom who couldn't come to after school events and my brother was the only kid at Cub Scouts whose big sister helped him make his Pinewood Derby car with a steak knife. (MAN that thing was UGLY). And see, what I just did? That is exactly what I've been noticing. We all lapse into that moment of how THE "D" WORD    effected us. All the sudden you are back at that moment, realizing that the door to those memories was left ajar and you've stepped through it, onto the shore with so many others.

The emotion comes rolling through like a giant wave that knocks your feet out from under you. Now you are rolling in the surf, your suit filling with sand and small shells from a past you thought you were healed from. That is what has been happening here in my world. I have been on the phone listening to the waves of loved ones lives, being dashed against the rocks. Their souls torn open, their raw hearts exposed. I'm listening to their gut wrenching cries as they fight against the undertow, coming up for air,"Oh my God, how could this happen ? How could they do this ?" Worlds of hopes and dreams are now scattered in the surf.  It's floating there adrift, as the future they thought they would have, slowly, ever so slowly, is gone from us. Not just from them, but from all of us who believed we would see it with them. There I am on the shore, the beachcomber. Picking up the broken shells of my own life, my own memories of what that tempest can do to a soul. I watch and listen, as waves smack against the shore. I wonder how anyone can really help.

In the last weeks I have heard my silent parents speak of that time in our lives. I've heard anger from one who was never angry and remorse from the one who always seemed angry. (Curious what age does to us) A few times I found myself telling pieces of my own story, finding that the seashells left by my own D word are still stuck there in my soul. I have been crying. I've caught myself feeling a little anger. So many tides have come and gone and still bits of my life float there, just beneath the surface of the waves. Our own dreams of what would have been, still barely visible as they drift out on the tide. Bumping up against so many others. Those of my friends and their former spouses and their children. Now all of our grandchildren bob about in that swirling wave, forced to learn that life is not absolute and the one true constant thing in this life is change.

So I am taking phone calls, texts and emails. I realize that I have become a store house of their emotions, of secrets told. I try to keep together who I am allowed to tell what to, and decide for the most part it will stay right here with me, sister-mom-daughter-friend. I am holding their fragile lives close to me, loving and hurting. We are hanging on to a life preserver together as we float about in the frothy surf. Suddenly I realize that my onion peel has lost a few more layers, my heart is exposed and I stand and cry with them on the shoreline. The wind whips at our lives as we stand here together. We dig our toes deep into the sand. We link our arms as this wave comes at us,  to change what we thought WOULD BE. 

K.L..P.10/16/13

 

It's TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY Meet Candy Elmore

It's TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY. Many of us are facing the challenges that come with aging parents. I've spoken with several friends that have had to put their parents in nursing homes and the heartbreak of what that entailed. One of my dear friends of many years is caring for her Mother at home. This Tuesday I share her story with you.

Meet Candy Elmore who is caring for her Mother Chris who has Alzheimer's disease. Candy is sixty years old, and has been married to her husband Gary for fifteen years. Between them they share six children and thirteen grandchildren. Candy and Gary moved from Texas to Kodiak Alaska in 2007 to pastor a church there. When she is there, Candy has a part time job as a preschool teacher.    

Candy's mom Christine (Chris) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in 2008. Candy's daughter and her husband had been living with and caring for her for two years. In 2011 as the disease progressed, Chris needed full time care. Candy and Gary had made a promise to Candy's Dad when he was alive, that they would always take care of Chris. So the couple made the decision that Candy would take a leave of absence from her job and go to Florida (where she was originally from) to stay with her Mother, and Gary would stay on in Alaska. They would have to work out the details along the way. Two years have passed, with trial and error, heartache and many blessings.

"Research has shown that 'FAMILIARITY REPLACES MEMORY' in Alzheimer's patients, so we want to keep Mom living in her own home as long as possible. It's hard to watch your parents health failing." Chris is still pretty active, although she is now losing her eye sight.  The Mother and daughter duo have shared some amazing road trips to visit Chris's Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren in other states, who wouldn't have gotten to spend time with her and know her otherwise. An example of this happened last year, when Candy's daughter in law became ill and needed an extended stay in the hospital. Candy and Chris drove to North Carolina to care for the children. This incident helped Candy to see a bigger picture in all this. "If I was home in Kodiak, that trip never would've happened, it would've been impossible." Instead, beautiful memories were made for the children, of a special time they spent with their grandmother and great grandmother.  

I asked Candy about how she keeps her spirits up in the midst of what would seem like a crisis for most of us. "I have found for Gary and I, that planning ahead, knowing that we have a date coming up when we will see each other is best. When I first came to Florida to care for Mom, I left things open ended. That wasn't good for me, I  struggled with feelings of being displaced from my life with Gary in Kodiak." She says that it took six month's to accept her "new normal". Now, Candy and Gary try to have trips planned to see each other, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Candy says that it's important for the "caregiver to make some 'time out' for themselves, many caregivers get burned out." Also, to "try and maintain your interests and hobbies". Candy loves photography and digital scrap booking, preserving memories for her loved ones. When she is home in Alaska, she enjoys hiking.
   

Candy told me of a book that she read when she first began caring for her Mother full time that helped her a lot, ONE THOUSAND GIFTS by Ann Voskamp, "dare to live fully right where you are". She says that the book helped her to put everything into perspective. 

One of Candy's favorite quotes is by Mother Theresa, "God does not command that we do great things, only little things with great love." I see my friend walking that out in her life every day with so much love and TOWANDATUDE. Loving her family and friends and making memories while she makes the most of a difficult situation.

www.seniorplanninginc.com

 "referrals and recommendations come straight from over 14 years of expertise and experience and not from a list of commission fee based incentives."

Candy and Gary at home in Alaska.

Candy and Chris in Kodiak. *photo by Jaime Kujala*

Sometimes you just have to adjust one little thing

**This Blog Post is dedicated to my daughters, who live their lives with more TOWANDATUDE than anyone I know. They inspire me every day.

I have a rosebush in my garden. It sits over by the little shed and is pretty much a non-producer, only two to four blooms a week. I am not the kind of gardener who likes to fuss with prima donna plants. Don't be asking me to fertilize or dead head you, because I am not interested. So the rosebush and I co-exist without much interaction. Which is a not at all unlike my relationships with high maintenance anything, plant's, people, or cars.

The other day, I got out my bright blue hand cart and moved the giant terracotta pot that houses her royal highness (said rosebush) to a location in my little herb garden under the pergola. Low and behold, two days later that bush was maxed out with blooms ! It's so pretty. That pot has been sitting over at the corner of the cutie patootie potting shed for the last two years and I did just one little tweak and there ya go, BLOOMS, ROSES ! Who knew ? Well, you knew I was going somewhere with all this, because you are perceptive that way and I am predictable if nothing else, so here comes my metaphor. Go get your coffee cup.

I don't know how you are, but I'd like to think I'm pretty transparent. Having been told this by a number of friends and family members over the years and not in a positive light I might add. They've said things like "You are transparent to a fault" "Your facial expressions are a dead giveaway" and "With you, what ya see is what ya get" you get my drift. So, I'm going to be upfront and transparent here and say that sometimes I can get "THE BLUE FUNK", a friend labeled this for me back in my Pennsylvania years. Not long ago, a series of built up disappointments in my world and in the life of a loved one was causing me to frequent the Scott tissue box. It was time to revisit my magic formula for combating disappointment. 

1). I have to release others from my expectations. A friend said to me recently that "EXPECTATION BREEDS RESENTMENT". When I presume my expectations on others I'm headed for disaster. No one knows (unless I tell them) what I'm expecting, and what I'm expecting is MY thing, not necessarily their way of thinking at all. This kind of expectation is pretty self centered. It seems that SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GO YOUR OWN WAY AND YOU HAVE TO GO IT ALONE. Maybe the ones who began your journey with you, won't be the ones who show up at all. JUST KEEP ON WALKING, PUSHING YOUR HAND CART AND ROSE BUSH.....

2). I heard Dr.Fuchsia Pickett speak when she was in her eighties. (Look her up, pretty cool Towandatude filled story) When asked, "How do you know what you are supposed to do in life? How do you get going when you're stuck?"  her reply was to "GO BACK TO THE LAST PLACE YOU HEARD GOD'S VOICE AND START AGAIN".

We all have those moments where we cease to BLOOM and the BLUE FUNK overtakes us and it all goes downhill, (if you don't you're probably from another planet and not  meant to be reading this Blog) In these times of BLUE, I go out to the back porch, have a little quiet time and try to think, "What was my intention ? Where was I going with all this anyway? What did I know in my 'knower' (that place deep inside where I am true to myself) that I was setting out to do?" I go back to that first step on the journey to my goal and start again, with a little tweaking usually. I move that terracotta pot just a little one way or the other and there it is. My course is adjusted, my navigation is set and I start again...

Then, all at once the roses bloom and all it took was a little tweak. I smell the roses, put the hand cart away and walk on alone, without expectation of anyone but myself and my intention to do that thing, the thing I know to be true to myself and what I know in my "knower" to do, and to do it with all the TOWANDATUDE I've got. 

BE ENCOURAGED TO  LIVE THE LIFE YOU KNOW YOU WERE MEANT TO LIVE AND ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOU. May you be filled with your very own TOWANDATUDE !  

Below, the two women who inspire me every single day, and their grateful Mom.

IT'S TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY! Meet Cheryl Grunwald

It's TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY

 Introducing Cheryl Grunwald, age fifty five. Married to husband Carl for thirty three years. Small business owners of "South Florida Speaker Repair Inc." since 1981. It's there that you will find Cheryl on weekdays running the office and the shipping end of their business. Cheryl is the Mother of two sons, Jason and Bryan and "Nanna" of four year old Grandson Zack. She's a very "hands on" Nanna, picking him up from school most days & keeping him until his parents get off work. Cheryl says that her biggest surprise about the whole "Empty Nest" syndrome most couples go through, is that they have yet to experience it ! Their home seems to have a revolving door for friends and family members who find comfort there.    

Cheryl and Carl invited Mr.Wonderful and I to their "home away from home" weekend retreat recently. It's where they go to relax and have some time-out from the hustle & bustle of their busy lives. Cheryl and I got to talk about life and about a topic very personal to her, living with Crohn's Disease.  

Crohn's Disease is a chronic inflammatory disease of any part of the gastrointestinal (GI) tract, The part most commonly affected involves the end portion of the small intestine called the ileum. The inflammation from it causes scar tissue to form in the lining of the intestine. When scar tissue builds up, the intestinal passage becomes narrow, causing things to move through slowly, resulting in pain, cramps and diarrhea. Cheryl was diagnosed with the disease on March 3,1999, after two years of battling with debilitating symptoms including high fevers, chronic diarrhea, pain and extreme weight loss. Her OB-GYN decided to do an ultrasound, revealing a large mass in her abdomen. Later a laparoscopy revealed that she had Crohn's disease. The surgeon removed 16cm of her intestine, her gallbladder, appendix and 1/3 of her bladder. All had been affected by the disease. She has been in remission for two years and takes maintenance medication to keep inflammation down.

"In the IBD (irritable bowel disease) community there is one saying we all laugh at and also hate with a passion. It's..'Gee, you don't look sick' and 'If you don't look sick, surely you can't be that sick' " Cheryl said.

Cheryl is a supporter of  Fight Like A Girl Club, and Let's Talk Crohn's and other GI Issues and belongs to a spin off support group that call themselves the "SH*T-TARTS". That last reference gives you some insight into the personality of this Towanda Gal. She has an incredible sense of humor that keeps her going strong. I asked her what her motto is ? "You Cant lay around and do nothing. You have to get up and fight like a girl!" She says that "taking care of others helps her keep her mind off of herself". 

I asked Cheryl about the future. " My Dream for the future? I'd like to be healthy enough to continue seeing America with my 'Snookums' Carl. Because being with him, and living life is what it is all about. If he was not the big PITA (pain in the ass) that he can be, some days I wouldn't get out of bed, but I do, everyday. I call Carl a PITA because he pushes me when I need it, he would never let me give up."

Right now, she "enjoys spending time with our grandson and time without a television on. Time spent talking, or (as she likes to say) 'Con-ver-sating' (having a conversation).  Anyway, most of the things that make me feel good about myself are things that do not give me a pay check."    

Cheryl's parting words to me were "NEVER GIVE UP, QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION !"

What a lovely visit and another BIG DOSE of inspiration. I hope this lady's inspiring story of TOWANDATUDE encourages you ! Thank You Cheryl !

Cheryl and husband Carl love to travel and ride their Harley Davidson Motorcycle. This picture was taken at Mt.Rushmore on a trip to Sturgis.    

Mam-maw's Girl and Miss Lillian's Garden

Gardening memories are always accompanied by the thought of the Spring I spent with a friend named Lynne in Miss Lillian's garden.

I was raised by a gardener, my Mam-maw (aka; my "other Mother") had the most beautiful yard in our little neck of the woods. All kinds of roses, borders of hedges, hibiscus, crepe myrtle in various colors..it was lovely, and I hated it. I hated it because I was the child who was made to work in it. Weeding, mowing, edging, spreading the rich, black, smelly muck (look it up if you're not from FL) that would arrive by dump truck once a year. I was made to do these things when I wanted to be in the woods, playing in my fort, surrounded by the smell of sap from the Brazilian pepper trees, the lush greenery and shady dank out there in the woods behind our house. Instead, I'd find myself out in the yard, in the hot blazing sun doing some task that made Mam-maw's gardens grow.  Why me ? Why did I have to be the one ? My cousins had a Dad and he did that stuff at their house. There wasn't one of those guys at our place, there was me and Mam-maw. Do I sound bitter ? Well, I was forever, until one day someone gave me a gift.

When I was in my early thirties and living in Pennsylvania, I was invited to go with my friend Lynne to help work in the garden of a ninety year old woman. Her name was Lillian and she was lovely. She was a retired Literature teacher at nearby Westminster College. Her house was on a shady street in the little college town of New Wilmington. The house looked plain from the front entrance, but around back were beds and beds of antique victorian-esque flowers of all kinds, Climbing Roses galore, Phlox, Hollyhocks, fruit trees, you name it, it was there. But it was out of control and it was beyond her capability to rescue it. Most perennial's from that era were self seeders and over the course of a season multiplied. Miss Lillian was also the early version of "composter", not in the sense that we now know it. This was old school style, she just chucked peach seeds or whatever veggie scraps right out the kitchen door in the direction of one of the flower beds ! Let me tell you, those beds were so rich that whatever she threw out there would start to grow, and I mean with a vengeance, there were peach saplings, bamboo (still haven't figured that one out) whatever, it was growing and thriving.

So the deal was that Lynne and I would thin out these beds and get them all tidied up and we were welcome to take home the discard pile for our own gardens. If you have ever worked with perennial's, you know you can usually chop, split and restart/plant elsewhere, multiplying your yield. We went at it full force once a week, our little ones in tow, playing in the yard while Miss Lillian in all her ninety year old loveliness sat and talked to us as we thinned the beds. It was truly one of those seasons of my life that I always look back on with such fond memories. One day, my friend came back from visiting the bathroom in Miss Lillian's house, so moved by a little list she had seen that Lillian had written. It was a "note to self" kind of thing. This lovely, scholarly woman had a reminder list of what "not to do" to combat what she thought were character flaws within herself. I will never ever forget that. Her quiet, humble demeanor, her gratefulness for all we were doing to help her. Mostly, we were struck that someone so precious was sure she needed improving upon, when we were sure she was perfect. So many lessons were learned there. Life lessons were learned in that garden.   

My friend and I took our starts home and began our own perennial beds. I learned to divide and multiply plants, soon I had a lovely little garden filled with Bamboo, Climbing Roses, Scented Phlox, Peonies, Hollyhocks, Fox Gloves, Clematis, Lily of the Valley and Day Lilly's and even Carnations. All summer long I filled the house with flowers in every vessel I could find. Every resentment I'd held onto about gardening slowly melted away as I created my gardens in Pennsylvania. Three years later, we moved to Hawaii and I left my little gardens behind. I remember crying when I put the gardens to bed at the end of that last Summer there, knowing I wouldn't be there when it all unfolded again in the Spring. There would be no need of gardening in Kona, Hawaii, the whole place WAS a garden, it was a visual overload of constant fragrance and beauty.  

Now, back in my homeland of Florida where I started my begrudged gardening experiences. I realize that those years spent in the garden with my Mam-maw taught me a lot about gardening in South Florida and about life. Sometimes good can come from an unhappy memory, by way of someone else coming into your life to refine that memory, make it more pleasant to reflect on, like my friend Lynne and Miss Lillian refined my garden memories for me. Those are the times I glean from. My grandmothers skill and gardening rules and the sweet fragrance of working in Miss Lillian's garden, her demeanor and character, all combine to make a wealth of gardening treasure for me to glean from.   

As I look out at my gardens here at our little yellow house, I see pictures of Mam-maw's yard, the citrus trees and tropical plants and little Periwinkles and the way I have outlined my beds with bricks like she always did. Then there's the Iris and the Bamboo of Miss Lillian's Victorian garden and my lush Plumeria forest surrounding the little shed, reminding me of my time in Hawaii, where they flourished. I look out the screen and am reminded of lessons on growing vegetables by my former in laws. That's when I realize that my garden is filled with vignettes of my life, and sometimes what started out to be a bad thing just might end up being your greatest treasure. If you allow it to cultivate and grow, letting go of the old and watching it blossom into something new. 

Grow and Flourish with your own fragrance, your essence of Towandatude.

**Below, some favorite memories, Miss Lillian's Iris's and my Mam-maw's happy little periwinkles, and some Plumeria, from my beloved Hawaii.**  

IT'S TOWANDATUDE TUESDAY !! Introducing Heidi Lacy Olive.

Introducing Heidi Lacy Olive. Age 30. Married to Steven Olive for four years. Her "day job" is with Starbucks. She has been employed as a Barista with the coffee purveyors for over eleven years has worked at thirteen different stores in five different states. Heidi won an essay contest a while back at her job. She was one of five employees chosen from the world wide competition. She won a trip to Costa Rica to see how the coffee biz is done start to finish.

Heidi's favorite quote: "Whatever the mind can conceive, and believe, it can achieve." Napoleon Hill

When Heidi was fifteen years old her kidneys failed. A diagnosis was given that she had a rare kidney disease "M P G N -type 3" (Membranoproliferative glomerulonephritis-type3) Later that year it was found that she needed a kidney transplant. Her Father was a match and gave Heidi one of his kidneys. Two years ago, the kidney failed. Heidi is presently on two lists awaiting a donor kidney. In the meantime, she goes to dialysis three times a week, holds down her job at Starbucks and continues to pursue her music career. She is also a massage therapist and an accomplished cook who does a little catering.  

It's a beautiful day in sunny south Florida when Heidi and I sit down to talk. She has just returned from her three hour long dialysis session. She is the same curly haired blue eyed wonder that she was the first time I met her, when she was not even a year old. I am overwhelmed by her peaceful demeanor and beautiful smile. 

I asked her about her thoughts on life, these are some of the things she shared with me. "I don't waste time with frivolities, it's important to realize what's really important. There is no reason not to enjoy every minute you have here while you have it."  

She gains her strength from, "Believing that I am not alone, that I am one with God. It's not easy to go through the things I have to go through, but there is an unexplainable, supernatural peace that I don't have control over, it's always there. There is no distance or delay between us and God, our 'oneness' has no limits."

Heidi says she is kept from self pity "knowing there are other people who suffer much worse things" than her. One of her daily rituals? "Listing the things that I am thankful for, it helps me stay positive and keeps my mind off pain. Gratefulness cures many ailments!"

Her favorite pastime ? "Daydreaming with (hubby) Steven." They like to go to a favorite store, usually a book store and take pictures of places they'd like to go, people they'd like to meet or something they'd like to own. Then they hang the pictures up around their home to remind them of their dreams. Pretty cool !  

So what's on the horizon for this Towandatude filled beauty ? Heidi is a talented musician. She is currently playing a few times a month at two different venues where she lives in Ohio. Heidi recently recorded a C.D. of her music entitled "YOU WERE MADE FOR JOY" that is currently in post production.  

 In parting, Heidi shared one more thing that she wants you to know; "I used to be afraid to tell people about my experiences with God, that I would be giving someone 'false hope', but then I heard him saying, I AM hope, and I am not false, He is the only true hope."

Heidi and Steven Olive

Towandatude Tuesday

INRODUCING TOWANDATUDE TUESDAYS

Beginning tomorrow, I will be posting each Tuesday an interview with women from many different walks of life. Women who have experienced challenging circumstances and are amazing examples of TOWANDATUDE in their lives. So tune in each week and have a little read about women who've got the TUDE ! 

Rain Barrels are Gushing, Frogs are Singing and All Is Well...

This weekend was forecast to be pretty much "rain free" unlike all of the "rain filled" days we've been having for months now, but that has turned out quite differently than the weather guy predicted. Once again my rain barrels are gushing, my little potager garden is full of drowning seedlings and a choir of frogs are singing their favorite songs all around the property.

I happen to like rain. It's always given me a sense of coziness and restfulness, and an excuse for doing nothing. Like a guilt-free pass for a reading day, a chick-flick in my p.j.'s or cookie baking. There's nothing quite like a rainy day. 

Today, being given that "free pass", I am sitting on the back porch with a stack of books, the old dinosaur laptop and my CharlieBeanDog who is sound asleep next to me. As usual, I found myself in the middle of a memory about rain and my childhood that I have repeated to my children a gazillion times, and now I will share it with you..  

I have talked before about being raised by a single Mother. My Mom was cool on a bunch of goofy levels that my friends parents weren't and not so cool in ways theirs were, but sometimes she allowed me to do some pretty amazing stuff. One of them had to do with RAIN.

Even as a child I loved the rain. I always wanted to be outside in it. Of course this was crazy thinking in South Florida, the lightening strike capital of the U.S.. Somewhere along the line, I had read or seen on T.V. that when you are in a car you are grounded and therefore safe from being struck by lightening. I of course began to pitch the idea to my Mother that I should be allowed to sit in the car during rain storms, in the safety of our driveway, where I could watch the storm and be outside in it while safe from it. I am not sure what shifted in the cosmos, but one day she said "Yes". In actuality, it was probably to get me off her back for a while. It would be like sending me to another room and closing the door, instead of kids pent up inside on a rainy day. BRILLIANT !

Well, with my pillow, a book & blanket off I went to my safe-house to watch the storm roll in. It was a gift I have never forgotten. I spent that amount of time hearing the rain beating against the metal roof of the car, watched the lightening flash and eventually fell sound asleep to the glory of the whole experience.  Pretty exciting stuff for an elementary school kid. I think that took a little Towandatude on both our parts, Thanks Mom !

Now, as I sit on our screened porch with the thunder rolling, and rain pouring down, it would seem to me that this is the grown up version of sitting in Mom's Pontiac Catalina. What a treat this is and I am so thankful for it. Wherever you find yourself this weekend in whatever weather, conjure up a happy memory and enjoy !

Many Blessings, TowandaGal

A Heart Overwhelmed

I have an affliction. It's a good one I think. I am not sure what to call it or why I have it. Maybe you have it too. I've caught a glimpse of it from time to time in conversation with other ladies over the years.  

Sometimes, My heart hurts, and it's a good hurt. It's a deep "moved" feeling. Ya know, like when you hear someone say "I was deeply moved" ? It will be a seemingly insignificant thing that prompts it. Yesterday it was the sound of my Harmonic Wind Chimes blowing in the gentle breeze as I gazed out at the beauty of the deep magenta colored Cosmos growing in the garden. I suddenly was overwhelmed by that moment. Overcome with gratefulness and wonder. And then it was there, like a deep ache of emotion for this moment. You find yourself wondering, does anyone else see this ? Hey, can you hear that ?  

I wonder about the catch phrase of our day "be present in the moment". Is that what this is ? Or, is it my lack of hormones ? Or, is it what the scriptures call "A heart of thanksgiving"? Remembering back to the phrases of my youth like, "Stop and smell the roses". Whatever the label, whatever it is, I am enjoying it.  

Today, take a small space of time and allow yourself to really "drink in" a moment. A child's laughter, a garden, the sound of water, a beautiful painting. Beauty is all around us. It's delicious!!  Be "present" to be "moved deeply" as you "stop and smell the roses"  with a "thankful heart" and lots of "TOWANDATUDE!"

*The pictures below were taken during and incandescent moment with my daughter Naomi, when we saw the "Water Lilies" exhibit at the MOMA together. Who knew that painting was SO HUGE !   I will treasure that moment of wonder forever.

You never know...(the underwear rule and "slacking")

"Don't wear clothes with holes in them or safety pins, what if you were in an accident?"  AND "Always look your best, you never know who you might meet!" Growing up I was always guided by these lines. Most ladies my age were. They were a sort of "check-list" before you left the house. These are among the block building neurotic phrases of my childhood. I had heard these things all my life and they became embedded somewhere in the recesses of my brain, so much so that once when I was in a bad car accident, as the E.M.T. person was removing my shoe, all I could think of was "The one time I leave the house with a hole in my sock, look what happens !" AND, yes of course I said it out loud to the E.M.T. ! It was probably the only laugh she had on a call that day.   

The world seems to be changing though. Yesterday I ran out of the house in my work out clothes to the local Walmart across the way. My neurosis ringing in my ears about how badly I was dressed....I got out of the car and as I started across the parking lot, a woman not much younger than me, exited her car. She was wearing a cami style tank top and pajama bottoms with flip flops. Wow. Here I was feeling so under dressed for my quick run into the store.  

I guess I haven't gotten the memo. You know, the one that must have gone out while I was in a time warp somewhere. The memo that said it's okay to wear your bra under any style shirt with your straps showing, (did strapless bra's go out of style ?) The same memo must have also said, you no longer have to get dressed when you get out of bed before leaving the house. I don't know about you, but I am confused. I was a teen in the hippie era, I've sported some pretty edgy jean shorts and halter tops with peace sign patches in my day. But this seems to be something different, and I am not sure what it is ? It just isn't anything. I have a daughter that wears blue hair, tattoo's and a mohawk hair-do on occasion. But she does it with style and takes great care in it, she OWNS it ! She has since she was fifteen.

I guess that's what this new "slacking" (I will now call it) is, it just isn't anything. It's not creative, there's no pride in p.j.'s and slippers at the mall. Is that really going to be someone's "signature look" ? My Mam-Maw and Audrey Hepburn would certainly be shocked at these latest trends.    

In closing, I just want to say, dress with your own special style, whatever that is. That is your own signature stamp that you go out into the world with, (Hopefully, without any holes or safety pins, ya know, "just in case"). Whatever the style, whatever the hair color, to color or not to color, whatever, It's yours, OWN IT, No "slacking". Make a mark with your signature on the world today. Your own TOWANDATUDE. Remember what Mam-Maw said, "You just never know who you might meet." 

Live the Life You Have...

YOU HAVE TO GO THE WAY YOUR BLOOD BEATS. IF You don't live the only life you have, You won't live some other life, You won't live any life at all. 

                                                                 *James Baldwin

Enjoying it my way. 

I Was Born By the Sea..

I was born by the sea and have noticed 

that all the great events of my life

have taken place by the sea.  

My first idea of movement, of the dance,  

certainly came from the rhythms of the waves. 

Isadora Duncan