My Mothers flowers bloomed today. The plant I brought home from her house a while back.
The flowers are bright purple and loaded with buds. It’s called a Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow plant, Brunfelsia Grandiflora. I sat the pot right next to my Grandmothers memorial flowers, Buttercups. How fitting that they are there blooming brightly together as I know they most likely are now, somewhere on the other side.
It's been a long road. I feel like I slept all winter. Hibernating with my grief.
People who have walked this path offer advice, It takes a while, be good to yourself and don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve, or how long to grieve. My Mother always said; “You never get over losing your Mother" I think I'll find this to be true. This seems to be a loss that will always be with me. Thankfully, I still had the presence of mind to know that I was falling deeper into a hole I couldn't climb out of and I began to go to grief counseling. HOSPICE, and the programs they offer are so helpful and they're free. Many people have encouraged me to go to Hospice over the last several months, sharing their own testimonials of how much it helped them. I recommend their services if you ever find yourself in need.
My counselor, has said many things that have helped nudge me back to consciousness. Sparks of help like a vitamin B-12 shot. One thing she shared on my first day was how different this loss can be for the children of a single mother. My Mother was our everything and I was her helper. We did stuff together, we made a home together. In many ways it was a co-dependent relationship, it was good and sometimes it was crazy! But like my Mother with her Mother, I’ve lost a partner in life, my side-kick. She was my Lucy and I was always her Ethel.
I created a little memorial garden in my backyard. I wanted to make a beautiful place to put the memorial angel that my friends bought me, a place to honor my Mother in my garden. We shared a love of birds, Mom & I, so there's a bird bath and in the winter the Hummingbird feeders will be placed there. It’s helped immensely to honor her in this way.
BUT LET’S GET BACK TO THOSE FLOWERS…
I looked at the bright purple blooms this morning and a series of photographs ran through my mind. Pictures of my Mother in full living color..Janie in lavender dresses (her favorite color when I was young) her in the turquoise and white stripe shifts she wore to work and in a bright fuchsia and pink stripe one piece affair on Christmas morning in the 60’s (SO MOD)! I thought of the colorful turbans she wore a short time ago with such flair, always attaching a pin of some sort to the center. Yes, Miss Jane you were a colorful individual!
My how quickly time passes, she was here for her Birthday in July and by the end of August she’d left us. I think of the time I waste on things that don’t matter…my cell phone screen, the television, petty grievances…the list goes on. A friend who is grieving the loss of her father said at a group meeting recently; "…so I can hug my puppy, sit at the beach, listen to the wind…do things that make me happy.” I thought I’d make my own list of things I love and try to be diligent with carrying them out, a list of things that bring me joy. And so today I'm writing to you, I tended to my garden flowers, listened to the wind chimes and the garden fountains and hugged sweet Eddie B.
Take good care of yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help. Everyone can use some extra TLC now and then. Find those things that bring you joy and treat yourself to them. And as always, enjoy the beauty of this day dear one.
Peace be with you,